Of Gustave Flaubert and Strippers
by Fizzy Starburst
Summary: Bob goes to a strip club and comes out a changed man. Humanized one shot. If you've read Why They Need Big Idea you know EXACTLY what this is, but it is not required reading. It's more of a tie in. The woman's name is never mentioned but I'm confident you'll all gather it from context. Light shipping.


**AN: I actually started working on this the day after I published "Why They Need Big Idea". And now it is complete! Thanks to Chewie (madame-blueberry on Tumblr) for inspiration. **

It was dark and yet full of neon, and it reeked of all kinds of alcohol. Bob did his best to hide his repulsion. He wasn't here because he wanted to be, he was here for Mike. As long as Mike had a good time, he could fake being happy. He was honestly surprised that he was invited at all. While Bob and Mike had grown up best friends since they were seven, they barely spoke to each other after high school. But Mike was getting married and he wanted Bob as a groomsman. He was honored, so of course he said yes. He just wished the bachelor party…well…didn't involve a strip club.

He just felt so awkward about the whole ordeal. Every time he looked at the gaudy display he felt guilty. Sometimes, he'd try to justify it by telling himself that these girls were incredibly flexible, like watching gymnastics or something…but he still just felt so awkward. To make matters worse, Mike and his fellow groomsmen were acting like total pigs. If anyone he knew happened to be here, they'd have something they could hold over his head forever.

He was probably seconds away from making some excuse to leave when – as if by divine intervention – a name fell onto his ears. Well, okay, maybe not divine intervention, as all of the names were being broadcasted very loudly – but this name caught his attention. And maybe it was fate, but he be damned if the girl didn't catch his attention, too. Yes, she was gaudy and overly eccentric and well…as inappropriate as all of the others, but there was this sense of elegance, of regency that exuded from her. He was enticed, to say the least.

Just like all the others, she only graced the stage for a short period. And if Bob thought he felt awkward before, imagine how awkward he felt running into the self same stripper when he went to the bar not twenty minutes later.

It was an accidental run in, of course. He had actually kind of backed into her. Whoops. He didn't even realize who he had bumped into as he muttered "Oh wow, I am ever sorry…"

"Ugh, zere is no need to be." She told him, as she immediately went to fix her hair (not that any of it was out of place) "Everyone is bumping into everyone, you are going to get bumped into at one point or anozer."

It was only when she spoke that he realized he must've bumped into one of the – erm – "performers". There were no girls here for the spectacle. And as soon as he turned around, his mouth started moving without his brain's consent "Gustave Flaubert?"

Now _that _caught her by surprise. "You're ze first person to understand ze reference." She commented stiffly.

"Well, don't let that deter you. It's a great novel!"

She turned to actually face him now. "I actually much prefer ze works of Oscar Wilde, but ze pun worked so well I chose it as a stage name."

"Pun?" he asked, generally interested.

She smirked knowingly "Ah, in order to understand you must know my real name, which I do not give out to ze men who frequent zis establishment."

"Me? Oh no! No no no! I don't come here! It's my friend's bachelor party! I would never…"

"So zen what are trying to say, hmm?" she asked, her eyes narrowed "Zat what I do for a living is not to a high enough standard to zose who enjoy classic literature such as yourself?"

"No! I'm not saying that at all! I…" he stopped when he saw the mischievous gleam in her eyes. "…you're messing with me, aren't you?"

"It is ze only way to stay sane around here." She replied simply, though a smirk was draped across her face.

Bob eyed her in wonder. Simply put, he was amazed by her grace, poise, and intelligence. Not what he expected to find tonight. "This may sound incredibly forward…"

"Monsieur, I work in a strip club." She cut him off "Nozing you say will sound too forward."

"Would you like to have coffee? Tomorrow? I know it sounds crazy, but I work in the entertainment business and I think we could really use someone like you."

"Let me make one zing absolutely clear." She told him, staring him dead in the eyes "I don't get naked for anyone, even if it is 'art'."

Bob's eyes went wider then he thought possible. "W-what? No! We make movies for kids! Cute little moral lessons! N-nothing of the sort!"

She eyed him up and down, contemplating the offer. Slowly, she nodded "Oui, I will go wiz you. But only because you managed to keep your eyes on my face ze whole time. I was impressed."

"R-really? That's great!" he beamed. "Tomorrow at 10? The Starbucks on Main?"

"Doable." She stated with a nod, before turning to walk away.

Tomorrow at 10 seemed like a world away. But after a long night of bachelor party shenanigans, 9:30 rolled around. Bob was already seated on one of the bar stools, sipping his chai latte. He kept eyeing the clock on the wall, as the minutes dripped by painfully slowly. Two chai lattes and a caramel macchiato later, the brunette graced the establishment with her presence.

Although, he could've _sworn _she was blonde the night previous. But, it _had _been dark…

But there was no doubt in his mind that is was the same woman. She carried herself with same elegance as the night previous. While gaudy wasn't quite the word to describe her fashion choices, they were quite over the top (although, if he were being entirely truthful, Bob was just happy that she was fully covered. He wasn't sure how long he could hold off his wandering eyes if she was dressed in anything similar to the previous night's attire).

"So let us discuss, yes?" she cut right to the chase as she pulled up the bar stool next to his.

Wow. So she was all business. He could get used to that. Heaven knew that that wasn't what he was getting with the others…"Yes, yes! Let's discuss. Discussion is good."

"So zen start it." She deadpanned. "I don't have all day, you know."

The two chatted for almost an hour. Luckily, and thankfully, she had been receptive and positive towards almost everything, even giving positive constructive criticisms. It was so refreshing to have someone as business oriented as himself on board. "So, I'll have lawyers draw up your contract this week and you can swing by the office next Monday and sign it!"

The brunette smiled "I look forward to it."

"There's uh…just…one little thing though…" his eyes darted around awkwardly "We uh…need a name to put on the contract. And you still haven't given it to me. I really don't want to pressure you into anything, but…"

Smirking, she grabbed a napkin and scribbled something down. Sliding the napkin over to the man, she nodded graciously. "Til Monday."

He eyed the napkin. Huh. He got the pun now. She had nice handwriting. "Hmm? Oh yeah. Til Monday."

As she sashayed out of sight, both had a growing smile on their face. Something good was going to come out of this. They could just feel it.


End file.
